OVER VIEW
Follow up with the posts 1-5 to see where you can apply this to your goal setting right away
WARNING!!!
Do not set goals before knowing these 5 traps that keep you in your comfort zone and distracted by chasing bling.
Find out why knowing your goal is an essential exercise and not just wishful imagination, setting you up for failure.
...the perfect time is NOW, as now is the only time you will ever have power over your future.
Here is what will await you for the uber-busy ones at a quick glance.
There are many different ways how you can look at goals.
If you think the goal is to hit your outer bullseye, and if anything else feels like a failure,
your entire nervous system will start kicking in. Its purpose is to keep you safe and within your comfort zone.
The goal is targeted so the point of success is very small (a tiny dot) the risk of failure is too grant to even go for it and cortisol levels rise.
Your subconscious feels fear and your conscious wants to go for it.
Your feeling good is delayed till you get there and that is where you are missing out on the rocket fuel to get you beyond your wildest dreams.
The reason why you don?t dare to dream big and build your dreams up might be, that you are completely right.
If your foundation is not strong do not build your dream house on it.
To find out what it takes to have a strong foundation read on.
ARE YOU READY?
It?s not about even how you record your goals, it is what you record and what that recording does inside of you when you engage with it.
(If it does not give you sweaty palms and an elevated heartbeat? it might not be quite it yet.) 'Goal' might be the wrong word for YOU.
Think of it more like a commitment to go to a new place a place of growth..
The secret code to achieving your goals:
ONE - FEELING YOUR GOAL Calling You Forward as if it has already manifested in the here and now in your very cells.
Then eliminate all underlying sabotage programs that jinx it.
So there is no longer a need to chase it and hit it, you can feel good NOW.
Become clear of what you want so you can ?Make goals Matter?, manifesting balance, ease and a strong inner foundation by letting your values guide you.
Not too sure what your values are?
Never really quite thought of it so much?
Maybe it is time to revisit the old dusty list?
And I am one intuitive sniffer dog, at your service.
I also have a secret weapon, a bio-feedback scanner that gives us insides to what stands in the way of you and your dream.
TWO - UPGRADING YOUR CHOICES as awareness coupled with making decisions that serve your path built new habits.
Habits are merely a chain of making little choices till it becomes automatic and we no longer notice that we make them.
These little actions and thought patterns create a language called Vibration that calls forward what you see in life.
?Habits are too weak to be felt till they are too strong to break.? Samuel Johnson
This is only partly true, when you live with increased awareness and know what to look for and have some new tools, habits are not that hard to upgrade.
Trying Breaking them might break you before it breaks them, choose your battles.
Discover The Map of Consciousness - Peter Sage?s adaptations of David R Hawkins work.
THREE - CHECKING OUT YOUR FOUNDATION maybe it?s not time yet to build your kingdom on the foundation you have.
Why is it we do what we do?
Realising that your inner foundation has always priority is AMAZING, how many times have you been chasing things to still be left feeling unfulfilled.
We tend to have all we want, but do we have what we need?
Have you given it your all just to see it grumbling down on you eventually?
The reason behind this might be, that something is missing at the core.
No worries guess what? there are powerful tools for this in my toolbox I m sharing with you here..
Worthwhile reading on to see if the list gives you a clue.
The 6 Human Needs - introduced by Tony Robbins
FOUR - MOTIVATION is NOT what you build your ability to take action on,
it only gets you out of bed for a month or so? but what is next?
Loss of motivation often creates overwhelm and makes you inactive. Clarity acts like a magnet to get you up and going.
I apologise for writing such long blogs, apparently to be able to serve and be seen this is essential.
I do my very best to make this a joyful and insightful read and not just cover the ?holy keywords or ranking well?
My work can not be generalised very well as I cut out all the bits for you that are irrelevant in your case, saving you time and boredom.
Healthy boundaries are key!
- Choose the information you digest well, Hold a self-loving NO
- unsubscribe from anything that does not leave you with a warm smile and curiosity
- Learn to listen inwards.
- Become accountable not just motivated.
Only YOU can truly nourish your dream seed.
Being dependent on the approval of others form the chains that keep you where you are.
The transcending of GOOP ( By Peter Sage ) I call it GOOO "Good Opinion Of Others" that is the invisible sticky stuff that slows you down,
gets you covered from head to toe so seemingly you fit in better.
The reason why I work with women in their 40s is ? THEY HAVE LIFE EXPERIENCE lined with valuable milestones we can build their castle with.
They have still half their lifetime ahead and have achieved enough to allow themselves to pivot a little in a more self-honouring direction.
FIVE - CREATE SPACE FOR CHANGE
This is possible in the midst of the busiest life.
It takes 1 min to get a benefit from a well-chosen mindfulness practice. Connecting the dots between neural activity and ?brain energy? is not hard but you need to know-how.
3 decades of meditation and hanging with researchers has gifted me the most powerful insights and tools to help YOU harness your brainpower.
No one can build a dream while running from an invisible sabretooth tiger.
A safe space needs to be carved out and that is where your time management and prioritising skills come in handy.
My friend and mentor Mark Waldman has all the research to back up how your hormones can be influenced with mini-power-practices.
No matter if you have a menopausal brain or are just stressed your body needs a break from cortisol!
Thank you for staying on and going one layer deeper with me here, your time is of utmost value to me.
There are many different ways how you can look at goals.
If you think the goal is to hit your outer bullseye, and if anything else feels like a failure, your entire nervous system will start kicking in. Its purpose is to keep you safe and within your comfort zone.
The goal is targeted so the point of success is very small (a tiny dot) the risk of failure is too grant to even go for it and cortisol levels rise. Your subconscious feels fear and your conscious wants to go for it. Your feeling good is delayed till you get there and that is where you are missing out on the rocket fuel to get you beyond your wildest dreams.
This creates an incoherent frequency and sets you up for disappointment, exhaustion and disillusion.
As a bullseye is never really a destination, right.
I am sure we all have bought the THING the car, the house the piece of jewellery awaiting them like a kid waiting for Christmas. It sparked so much joy, and still sometimes does when we notice how lucky we are that we can play with it.
Often we become numb and indifferent to it in no time, right?
?People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness.
Just because they are not on your road does not mean they have gotten lost.? Dalai Lama 14th
All life invites us to do is to discover OUR UNIQUE WAY and if you feel inspired by my outlook on things and would like me to hold the torch while you explore deeper into your authentic you, that would be my pleasure.
If your goal is aiming for lasting satisfaction
It will always hold an aspect of going towards greatness and enjoying the gifts of the process on the path to
- Growth
- Self-expression
- Contribution
So, this is how you can upgrade your goal to a feeling goal vs one you can just tick off a list and get a cup or bonus for.
If you take time and set your goal as your True North a direction, that will take you on a worthwhile life journey.
Your soul kicks in. The nervous system will still kick in but you learn how to soothe that.
There are really only 4 things that can get in the way of you being the best YOU, you can possibly be.
Knowing them, expecting them to show up and realising there are tools to meet them, makes you feel UNSINKABLE.
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Pitfall no. 1 - How you make your goal matter
Picking your goal trap is making your goal BORING, non-stimulating.
Have you ever made an effort to gather images and ideas to make a nice collage to lift your mood and get you motivated to do better?
Did it ever work? For how long?
Surely by now, you know a vision board (bored) does not quite cut it unless it stirs something in you and even then it seems to be turning itself invisible after a few weeks.
Attaching your values to finding your goal helps.
Ask yourself these questions
1. What is the most important in your life and start making a list of what matters to you. What do you stand for, what do you love in yourself or others?
How to Make your goal matter (literally)
To manifest an exceptional shift takes a little more. It takes becoming inspired by the possibility of achieving a goal you need to stretch for.
If it?s something that is most likely to happen when you just keep trotting on, doing the good work you do? well it?s not even going to trigger growing awesomeness in you, never mind exceptional results.
It?s surely will not get you out of bed, ready to create.
Procrastination kicks in, when you make your goal too big, with no navigational skills, support or rest bite on the way over to BEING GREAT. Feeling miserable all the way as you are not there yet.
This is 1 out of the 4 reasons that stop you from pursuing your mission.
If your goal is outside of any possible stretch for your ?NOW Perception? of what is possible build islands (intermittent milestones) showing you are ferrying in the right direction.
Golden rule ?If you can hold it in your head, you can hold it in your hand.? famous quote by one of my mentors Bob Proctor whom I honoured to follow over 15 years now.
The distance is equal to the amount of limiting beliefs you have. Knowing what sabotages your growth really helps and that is what we can discover together and eliminate any obstacles in the way for good
Want to know the remaining 3 reasons why you keep sabotaging your growth?
Hang on first we go for the next pitfall, ok?
Pitfall no 2 - Making goal-centered choices
Not writing your goals down is definitely a pitfall but there is more to it!
Yet, committing it on paper is a bit like putting a seed into soil.
Think about it, it?s the easiest form of bringing something from the unseen to the manifest, right? From a thought to a piece of paper (ideally), as electronics are not quite matter yet.
Any hobby gardener or plant owner knows that?s the easy part putting the seed into the soil or swiping the plant at the checkout. (Who has ever bought a beautiful plant brought it home just to watch it die, as you realised it does not like the environment, needs specialist knowledge or excessive care thrive?
Making a choice, making your mind up which seed to choose, which plant to buy is a skill in itself. Not knowing what we want can put us off goal setting for life.
Getting good at making choices can be a natural talent or something that can be learned. Either or, it is one of those invaluable life skills, worthwhile growing.
Back to the gardening analogy?.
Unless, when you plant the seed you are ok with the precious seed breaking open, It won?t even germinate (some triggers will be revealed, bruises encountered on the path to your goal).
As the alternative is, it will just lie there in it?s wonderful potential, asleep.
Breaking open and meeting the weathers of life is a brave act and we get you started with holistic life coaching in a greenhouse where we find ways to nourish you into a resilient sapling.
Soon enough getting from a controlled environment out into the open, where the real growth can happen. No, not just when the conditions outside are favourable and the sun promises spring, but when you are ready and you are strong enough to stand in the icy breeze, no matter how strong it blows.
Feeding your goal is like caring for the seed that you wish to go into bloom and eventually fruition. This does require attention and commitment. Most people meet goals and dreams with interest and initial desire?.which is a bit like dating while the hormones are hot vs a mature relationship ( blog).
It?s totally fine to look to have a pretty healthy-looking plant for the living room that does look vibrant It?s GREAT.
Others are keen on a full blown ?raised bed? idea for now or even a permaculture edible forest garden, which really is more like a legacy longevity goal, the desire of abundance over years to come, well it will take a few more new skills to get under your belt but as they say?
Nothing is impossible.
Especially when you know people that have done this before you in the world, all you need to do to make it easy is to gain the Know-how and learn from their mistakes and experiences.
Pitfall no.3 - Building a strong foundation
Lack of foundation or how to not building your dreams in sand.
How do you know your foundation can hold your dream?
Imagine you are commissioning your DREAM HOME. Could you imagine it, do you have ideas how it looks, will you hire an architect you will share these insides with. Without your clarity (goal setting) how likely is the best architect in the world with dream YOUR DREAM HOME?
Now imagine you got a piece of land that you inherited from your family it?s good and you can see your dream house standing on it proud and tall.
Question, will you do a land survey before the building starts, yes or no?
Will you check if there are cavities below, the foundation is good to go?
OF COURSE YOU WILL!
Same with building your dreams, first sign off the foundation as otherwise it might all come crashing down on you.
Before shooting far you need to know that your ?base? needs are looked after, not the shelter food and so on, but your human needs.
The 6 needs to build a strong foundation for your dreams and feel whole again
(by Tony Robbins 6 human needs)
What are YOU still searching for to feel whole?
Where are your strengths, where is your blind spot?
Sense of belonging ? Humans need a strong sense of belonging, this is why we value relationships, friendships and connections so much. Our own childhood often influences how we navigate personal boundaries and being open and vulnerable.
Sense of significance ? Humans need to feel special and valued, this is why we give so much weight to the GOOO (Good Opinion Of Others) it?s like glue and wading through it can be tiring yet it also is the wind beneath our wings and can lift us up.
Certainty ? Humans need to feel a sense of comfort in safety. By learning and receiving accountability, being dependable through repetition and reoccurrence of congruent action. Seeking a path, system or strategy that gifts clarity. Our Nervous system requires some of that soothing energy of familiarity to be able to make hard decisions in midst of our ever-changing reality.
Variety ? Humans need stimuli, going into uncertain terrain to seek new ideas, looking for change. It creates neuro stimulation that helps us to be adaptable when lives surprises catch us off guard, which in turn builds self-esteem and confidence.
Contribution - Humans are wired to help others, unless this instinct got broken through scarcity or greed. Happiness is closely linked to helping other. The secret to a fulfilled life is to share from the overflow we have created for ourselves.
Growth ? the souls sole desire is expansion and growth to have meaning in life we need a sense of progress. We are surprising ourselves. seeing how far we have come, by acquiring new skills, tools and the support. Like for a child growth is natural so it is for our soul.
Voila? here you got your perfect foundation to grow anything your heart desires.
When Growth includes contribution and certainty stems from within ourselves, life is seen as an adventure. We find our perfect dance between being Egocentric (orientation and focus on self-worth) and being ethnocentric (orientation to tribe or the whole).
Pitfall no. 4 - The Motivation trap
So, UNLESS YOU SET A CLEAR FEELING GOAL it is very unlikely for you to get the necessary focus and drive to go for it.
Awaiting motivation to drive forward action is the next pitfall.
What a massive misconception.
If you jump with joy to grow? it you might be extraordinary and do not need my services or you are kidding yourself on.
If it?s easy it?s not worth it. If It?s comfortable it?s your nervous system playing tricks on you to keep you where you are, pulling the wool over your eyes.
Hypnosis, yes sometimes it works, yet you still need to (after removing underlying obstacles) put the new path in. You might know how tempting it is when you got an easy lift to a new place to go home to the familiar again?
Want to know a secret?
Ever seen a canyon, ever been in one?
Imagine this is like a ?well-trodden habit path?. Ok?
Depending how deeply ingrained your habit going this well-trained route, influences the hight of the walls you meet on either side.
So, when you now try to go a new way, what will you face?
Correct A ROCK FACE.
An that is exactly why it is handy to get an experienced coach with abseiling skills to give you a hand.
Some of us LOVE rock climbing and LOVE being shown the blind corners to practice our amazing skills on. Others are new to it, as it?s not something you really do unless encouraged form childhood and trained by wonderful role models.
If you ever rock climbed there are a few tips that come in very valuable.
- Don?t look down! (Movie Solo is a great one to watch determination in action, the actor is on the spectrum and I in no way would endorse trying this yourself)
- Breathe and find a spot to find rest even just for a few moments
- Keep your eyes on the goal and your inner champion doing the talking
- Shut down any negative self-talk immediately, as ?I can?t? might be your last words ?
It?s easy to talk yourself out of rock climbing, or indeed changing a familiar habit, but there is a mind-hack that I got from the book (from the couch to a 5K).
Just focus on the first 2 MINTUES of anything you wish to establish new.
Let?s take going for a run as a simple example here.
Instead of saying I do a 2 mile run every day after work reframe it.
At the time set (alarms work wonders) commit to getting started. i.e putting your gear and your shoes on. Resistance is not linear. You will experience the greatest resistance in the first 2 min of any new activity that is no longer covered under motivation to bring you to action.
When you are all set it is so much less likely (I am not pretending I know the right % here) to not to continue, you climbed the small hill to your new habit successfully.
Training hill walks before your tackle the sheer cliffs is a great idea.
Why not take a deep breath and just call e on +44 7789813481 and see where 2 min take you?
Doing 2 min with full conviction allowing yourself after to decide if you wish to continue is the key.
Have you ever had your Mum give you a choice but really only one options was acceptable? Have you ever done this to your children? Of cause we have! Unfortunately, my kids ?smell a rat? and I can no longer get away with it.
Practice making good choices
Fall in love with the things you know serve you.
It is not all that hard and easily becomes an obsession. ( I admit, I am guilty of getting really excited about choosing courage over fear and organic dark chocolate over a quick bar)
P.s. Please note not all walls need tackling, let?s find out the ones worthwhile climbing.
Quality questions give you self-guided quality answers, building clarity and certainty in your own instincts.
Goals often seem fluid, yet all waters run to the ocean.
What is your ocean, what calls you?
A certain fluidity is subject to renewal as insights shift the goal post at first till you become crystal clear about your values and purpose infused goals, down the line.
Put your boat in the river and trust even when the river takes a turn it gets you there. Do not get out and dig a new trench or climb without being certain. Having been stuck or revisiting places like in a ?groundhog day? experience are tell-tell signs that it?s time to get on a new level.
Where a vortex can keep you stuck in struggle, trying to fight drowning.
I have tools to helicopter yourself out of danger, I will only use when you are sure you ran out of options.
Pitfall no.5 - The power of the pause
Unseen energies support whatever you focus on.
Unseen hormones contort the picture. Cortisol and friends, your stress hormones, do not help when trying to make a difference for yourself.
Thank the universe for breath work, these ancient techniques allow you to ground and tune in quickly to upgrade your choices.
Let me share one of my favourite stories with you.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. ?A fight is going on inside me,? he said to the boy.
?It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil ? he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.? He continued, ?The other is good ? he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you ? and inside every other person, too.?
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ?Which wolf will win??
The old Cherokee simply replied, ?The one you feed.?
Our thoughts can be our worst enemy if we let them.
If what you focus on is survival or distraction? you shall receive more of the same, feeding that wolf.
There are 2 kind of goals and it takes a bit of quiet introspection to decipher them.
Away from goals are based on something you try to escape from
An example losing weight.
If you look daily in the mirror (or in fact avoid looking into it at all) and you have on your mind this big goal to lose weight. Feeding yourself some nasty self-talk about your appearance that has over the years eroded any self-esteem that once was present. Is this goal of losing weight hanging like a thread in your energy field above your head?
Similar with selfcare goals like ?I wish to be healthier and nice to myself? ( quietly scolding yourself that you are still binging after having tried to stop it so many times)
Away from goals sap our motivation, drive and focus.
Towards goals are your inspirationcalling you forwards
Alternatively reframing it into what we do want to feel.
We first need to make peace and quieten our inner critic, and guess what?
It?s easier than you might have thought, actually delightful, uplifting ad gobscmackingly easy.
It can be done within minutes really, yet will it last unless you journal and meet it with your new tools when it surfaces a week or a month from now. NO it will not.
Re-establishing and upgrading new habits, making new ways for new opportunities takes over all else
Space, Focus and Consistency
Do you have what it takes or do you still think you rather dabble a little longer?
Why not try this:
If your New YOU would wear a new perfume? how would it smell?
Now take that sent and imagine ( quantum leaping) allowing it into your olfactory sense (the strongest instinct we have and have forgotten about).
Try smelling it into every cell of your being, slowly without any rush, allowing yourself to be energetically called by your future self. Release all urgency. Now feel your body merging with your future self and feel how it would feel to already be there.
From there find the right words for your goal from a place of already having it vs from the old place of lack.
Now we are talking and putting the wind behind our sales.
Now that you know how it would feel to have what it is you want,
Ask yourself ?
Is it worth the effort?
If no, go and live happily with your habit knowing it is a choice to do so.
If yes it?s time to take action as your interest in changing the goal just has upgraded into commitment in front of your eyes.
Take 2 min and take the action to reach out to me now.
?.
I mean now, right now.
De-Bugged - A lie often enough repeated makes it a fact
Shedding some light:
There is an impressive Harvard long-term study on this ?writing-your-goals-down-business? one that might surprise you?
Unfortunately, this is a manufactured social media quote you might have come across.
Distraction and deafening noise levels of inner self-talk and outer media block any inner guidance or contort it ? let?s sieve through some nonsense.
Or at least choose what nonsense feels uplifting and congruent with what you wish to achieve.
Joe Dispenza, John Assaraf and many other of my mentors I love and adore have quoted this study:
A recently published a post
Why 3% of Harvard MBAs make ten times as much money as the other 97%
This discussed a Harvard study concerning the effects of goal setting, and specifically written goals, on future financial success.
I happen to have an old client of mine in this school and he made an investigation into this. The study references a Harvard class of 1979, and sometimes a Yale class of 1953 and does not seem to exist.
I am not a great fan of social media. And promise I will not bombard you with stories, posts and blogs.
Therefore, I shall save you from non-researched claims and hype to the best of my ability.
What I teach has a foundation of over 30 years studying mind over matter and my body (even before the internet).
I value good Journalism and research yet we get the most of our data straight out of YOU.
Yet there is much evidence that by making your goals not just written but sensory stimulating on all levels does help strengthening the SIGNAL and helps you staying on track and accountable.
Depending on Your Favourite Way to absorb knowledge we can pick from audio, video, visual and kinaesthetic anchors to magnetise your vision.
The signal that can be notices above all noise manifests the beaconing of favourable coincidences. I have countless encounters proving first hand evidence this to me.
For example, I experienced physical quantum shifts from my early teens onwards? no one even had a name for it. I was told by the medical profession that I am infertile, yet? miracles happen I am a mother of two strapping lads.
It has been the most exciting journey to have my inner experiences confirmed decades later by data and science.
?There are 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle or as if Everything is a miracle, and both times you are right. ? Einstein Power phrased ( I cannot guarantee that he actually ever really said that, I hope you excuse as a lot of his quotes and letters are again all made up but indeed very well written and inspirational, so what the heck?)
So here we go:
From The Horse?s Mouth: Yale Says There Is No 1953 Goal-Setting Study
My Friend and client finally came across a page at the Yale Law Library that asks ?Where can I find the Yale study from 1953 about goal-setting??.
This is the answer, in its entirety:
It has been determined that no ?goals study? of the Class of 1953 actually occurred. In recent years, we have received a number of requests for information on a reported study based on a survey administered to the Class of 1953 in their senior year and a follow-up study conducted ten years later. This study has been described as how one?s goals at graduation related to success and annual incomes achieved during the period.
The secretary of the Class of 1953, who had served in that capacity for many years, did not know of [the study], nor did any of the fellow class members he questioned. In addition, a number of Yale administrators were consulted and the records of various offices were examined in an effort to document the reported study. There was no relevant record, nor did anyone recall the purported study of the Class of 1953, or any other class.
(Source : Where can I find the Yale study from 1953 about goal-setting?)
p.s. I repeated it myself after hearing it from my mentor Peter Sage, till I did some homework.
I herby apologies for anything I have quoted in the that I took from my ?trusted sources? no harm intended.